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If getting your child to start working on their homework feels as hard as pushing a car on handbrake, you are not alone.

Sometimes you just wish there is an “on-off” button that you can press so that you can just kick your slippers and slouch on the couch after a long day at work while your little one presses on till he/she is done with her task.

Unfortunately, there is no such button, but there is, one special formula which you can adopt.

Praise them. No, not the usual “Good job”, “Well done”, “Good boy” which you have been using consistently. But “Good effort”, “So diligent!”, “Good perseverance!”.

As reported in numerous studies, children whose parents praise their effort and diligence are actually more open to taking on challenges, are better at problem-solving and are more likely to believe they could improve themselves by working hard. Of course, they are also more motivated in completing their tasks.

In one of the studies, the research team videotaped 53 children and their parents during everyday interactions at home. Each family was videotaped three times, when children were 1, 2 and 3 years old. From the videotapes, the scholars identified instances in which parents praised their children and classified their praises accordingly.

Researchers then followed up with the children five years later, assessed whether they preferred challenging versus easy tasks, were able to generate strategies for overcoming setbacks, and if they believed that intelligence and personality are traits can be developed (rather than being fixed).

The results demonstrate that praises that emphasise children’s effort, actions and strategies actually predicted children’s attitudes toward challenges and their beliefs about trait malleability five years on.

So, quit the “Good girl”, start the “Good effort” immediately.

In fact, this is an easier method because children being children, they don’t always do things as you would have expected. So instead of reluctantly saying “Wow nice drawing!” yet feeling like you have completely betrayed your judgement, focus on the effort and say instead, “Wow, you must have taken a long time for this! Such persistence! Well done! For your next work, you can try to use more colours instead of just black, I’m sure that can make it even better.”

Yes, it’s long, it’s in fact, very detailed. This kind of specific constructive feedback tells your child what exactly needs to be improved on so they know what to look out for the next time they try it. And of course, if they know how to improve on it, they will look forward to working on it as soon as possible.

Try it! Focus on the effort, and give specific constructive feedback on how to make the next one better.

Unfortunately, the answer is no…

The original study, where the whole “Mozart Effect” came about, wasn’t even conducted on children. In the study, 36 adult students were given a series of mental tasks to complete on three occasions. Before each task, they listened either to ten minutes of silence, ten minutes of relaxation instructions, or ten minutes of Mozart’s sonata for two pianos in D major. Obviously, the study found that students who listened to Mozart did better at tasks where they had to create shapes in their minds. They also were better at spatial tasks where they had to look at folded up pieces of paper with cuts in them and to predict how they would appear when unfolded. However, the Mozart Effect lasted merely 15min in the test. After that, no differentiated results were derived.

Many studies followed thereafter trying to find the winning formula to enhance intelligence. However, time and again, studies were done on adults, not children. Also, some studies had proven that the effect was also found on music which the subjects enjoyed (yes, including rock music), that it wasn’t unique to Mozart’s music afterall.

In fact, it doesn’t have to be music. Anything that makes you more alert should work just as well – painting or stacking blocks, for instance.

In a nutshell,

1. The effect of being ‘smarter’ is only temporary, at most 15min after listening to it.
2. Tests used to prove this musical effect was in fact, only shapes prediction, like those IQ questions that ask you which net makes up the 3d box etc, not on general intelligence.
3. You can get the same effect from doing anything you like! Like listening to your favorite pop song or exercising! 

REMOVE ALL SCREEN TIME.

Many articles had talked about it, scientific studies had proven it, real anecdotes reported, but parents all over are still making this mistake in parenting.

I assess children on a daily basis and have seen close to thousands of children, out of which, more than half had short attention span, were disruptive in class, and were not learning well.

Whenever these symptoms are observed or are told to me, I will pop the question, “How much time does he/she spend in front of a screen in a day?”

And I’ve had a 99% hit so far that they had spent more than 1 hour a day in front of a screen.

The length of time these children spend in front of a screen (including iPads, handphones, televisions, DVD players etc.) are usually, on an average, more than 30min per bout of time. The gadgets are usually used to distract them from danger when Mummy is doing the chores or during meal times, to keep them sitting quietly so the parents can enjoy a meal in a restaurant without a melt-down to handle.

REMOVE ALL SCREEN TIME.

It’s difficult, I understand… I’ve had a difficult-eater myself. I too, fell into the temptation of letting him watch videos on the iPad than have him refusing all food… But it’s a vicious cycle. It’s just like a drug addiction, the more you show, the more they need it to behave/comply. Withdrawal symptoms are even evident if you deny them the screens! They will get into an uncontrollable fit and become renegades by digging into out-of-bound zones just to look for the “hidden drugs”.

These “drugs” (screens) come in all forms. They vary from television to handphone and iPads. Some even had DVD players installed in the car. No matter the form, they are all evil  to a child when enjoyed for more than 30min per bout.

The worst case scenario is those who were so highly “intoxicated” that TVs no longer attract them. They get bored and move on to other things in split seconds, unable to settle down on any activities for long. These are signs of over-exposure.

It is SCARY. Scary how parents see it as their children’s personality, how they resign to the fate that their child is hyper-active or that they are born like that.

It’s never too late to change that, no child is too damaged beyond repair. All you need to do is REMOVE ALL SCREEN TIME… NOW.

This is most likely the all-time favourite question that parents ask on a daily basis, “What did you learn today?”

I’ve heard it repeatedly from others and even myself every time I reach home, “Tell me about your day W, what did you learn?”

And almost 100% of the time, or at least for most children under the age of 12, parents find themselves shaking their heads when they hear, “Nothing…”, “I don’t know”, “I learnt… (blank)”, “Ooh I played this (and that)… blah blah… (and they continue with a list of things that had happened to them, none of which was what you are hoping to hear).”

So is it true that your child has learnt nothing at all? Ask the teacher the same question and see what answers you’ll get and you will know if your child has indeed learnt nothing…

So why is it that they simply couldn’t tell you what they have learnt?

The answer is simple, they don’t know how to summarise.

Think about this, “summarising” is a skill that you have picked up only in your secondary school days. It’s not an easy section to score and you struggled with what was required and what was not.

Children simply don’t have that skill and thus the easiest way out is, “Nothing/I don’t know.”

Ask instead:

1. Specific questions. Find out, from the teacher, the learning objectives of the program/course/week and ask specific questions like,
   • “What did your teacher write on the board today that you can remember?”
   • “How many pages of the workbook did you do today?”
   • “Which page of the textbook did you guys cover today?”
   • “Which letter sound can you remember from class today?”
2. “One thing that you can remember that the teacher had said in class.” Give a heads-up before sending them off into class that you are going to ask them this question so they would keep the question in mind to pick out the most memorable pointer to share with you.

These should give you a better idea as to what was learnt in class.

Lastly, of course, ask the teacher. Whatever that they have learnt, are mostly new to them. It’s impossible for them to remember 100% of everything that was taught. Be patient, they will become better than you one day, for now, bear with these junior learners and give them the space  and time required to master what’s expected of them.